Actively listening
Recognising and challenging personal attitudes, assumptions and bias.
Building understanding starts by getting in a related space. This means we’ll become clearer about the role we each play in relation to others at work.
This also requires learning how to hear what is meant, not just what may be said or projected.
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This is the critical skill of active listening.
The following three empathic personal leadership traits are foundational in applying the art of hearing what is meant:
01 Cognitive empathy
We’re able to recognise the emotional state of another person in the moment and are able to connect with them.
02 Emotional empathy
We demonstrate humility, decency, and a curious tone of voice. Taking a coaching approach, we engage and share those emotions with the other person.
03 Compassionate empathy
We take appropriate action to support the other person. We respond with a balance of care and detachment.
When listening to someone, the aim is to better understand what is meant vs what is said, rather than change the speaker’s language or words.
This is how we learn to respond instead of react to maintain respectful boundaries within the dialogue.
How to heighten your understanding and productive dialogue.
Six steps to effective listening:
Step 1: Pay attention
Many times, this means saying nothing. Allow space before you respond to ensure they’ve finished, listening from a place of respect.
Step 2: Reserve judgement
Keep an open mind to new ideas, perspectives and possibilities. Suspend judgement for the sake of a strong opinion.
Step 3: Reflect patiently
Don’t assume you’ve heard correctly or as intended. Mirror the information by paraphrasing back to the speaker or help label their emotion.
Step 4: Clarify slowly
Ask questions on unclear topics such as, “Let me see if I’m clear. Do you mean …?” Effective listening takes an ‘asking not telling’ approach.
Step 5: Summarise clearly
Repeat key themes as this will help both parties to be clear on expectations. This could sound like “Let me check my understanding …”
Step 6: Share openly
Once you’ve understood the speaker, you can begin to introduce your ideas, feelings and suggestions.
From this point, you can define the problem with clarity.
Mistakes + practice = progress
A wise person once said, the worst distance between two people is misunderstanding. Also, mistakes are ok. In fact, they’re welcome. Because building understanding requires a willingness and commitment to sit in the discomfort that comes with making and owning mistakes.
The role of the active listener is to be curious, reflexive, empathise with, and to embrace the strengths of the new found perspective.
So let’s begin by acknowledging the role we each play in shifting the dynamic; to challenge our personal attitudes, bias and assumptions to relate better to others.
Recap: Actively listening
- For a more inclusive workplace, it’s important to learn the skill of actively listening;
- Practice active listening via these 6 steps:
- Pay attention
- Reserve judgement
- Reflect patiently
- Clarify slowly
- Summarise clearly
- Share openly
- In active listening – making mistakes is okay!
Resources
To continue your exploration, check out this blog: Risk and relationship management; the case for early intervention
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